Yes, so, wait I forget......
ONE HOUR LATER
That is, wait, I'll be right back......
ONE QUARTER OF AN HOUR LATER
About the subject matter, or theme of this blog, um, am I restricted in what I write by the title of my blog? That was not my intention, yes, I will get around to it, another goddamned explanation, but, wait, I need a break. Ill humors.
SEVENTEEN MINUTES LATER
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME ANYWAY? MAYBE A MAP OF YOUR
EXPECTATIONS SO I CAN SUBMIT MY CREATIVITY TO A FORM THAT DIRECTS ME TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT AND WHAT AND WHAT AND JUST WHAT FORM AND JUST WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO ADHERE TO WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL WRITER BLOG WRITER......I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.....SOME IDEAS MORE INTERESTING THAN....AND A HALF PACK OF CIGARETTES..........THE COFFEE..........WHERE IS MY FUCKING PEN.......WELL HATE! JUST HATE!
TWO HOURS LATER
Okay. I am so sorry. All I needed was my medication. And some cigarettes. And much coffee. And light reading. I feel I can begin now. The right way. The civil way. The good way. The good word.
DAYS LATER
I have now made up my mind. I am dedicating a page in honor of the title I have chosen for this BLAHG: "LITTLEHOUSEONTHELANDFILL." A little fairy, quite contrary, broke into my basement dwelling about a night ago. Yes, about a night ago. Flutter!!!!! Flutter!!!! I was in heavy concentration phase at that time. One can only imagine what happens if someone/something/etcetera infringes on my HEAVY CONCENTRATION PHASE. Well, only if one really knows me, can imagine. Flutter!!! Flutter!!! Homicide. Almost. Or what is that word, the killing of fairies? Any Middle-Earth weirdos? Onceuponatimacide? Yep. That is IT! Anyhow, all this Flutter!!! Flutter!!! and my attention span was thwarted, neveryoumind the waste of medication....the medication that allows for me to be heavily concentrated...if wasted...homicidal. In this case...
VIOLENCE. At first, just a mildly agitated bat about my head area, as if a mosquito.But, then I felt something (s) queer a' sprinkling over me as my hand, more frantically traversed that Flutter!!! Fluttering!!! thing, I felt as if some dust balls were leaking from the basement ceiling and onto my head and shoulders. The queer of it was that the dust was all sparkling and a' shimmering like, maybe, I had just powdered my face excessively. Except. Except I do not use that sparkle shit powder these kids these days wear to the dancey-prancey night clubs. And, queer it was also that my hand seemed to hack at, not a minuscule mosquito, but something more substantial. A trespasser. With wings. Projectiling all this sparkle crap and Flutter!!! Fluttering!!! My eyes wide and manic, alert, alarmed, but, angry, angry. And what did they see? (20/20 vision an attribute I take much pride in)??? A stupid, dumb, no-good, FAIRY.
I am not crazy. I know very well what crazy it because I have been crazy, but, that label does not apply to me at the moment. I have had visual and auditory hallucinations in the past for some unpleasant reason or another. So, I know what I say I saw was actually what I saw and I was not amused to see it. A fairy. Why? "WHY?" I thought. "WHY WHY WHY WHY?" I pounded my fist hard down on the material I had been distracted from.
Me: "WHY!!!"
The Fairy (Flutter!!! Flutter!!!): "So sorry to intrude. I know tha-"
Me: "NO NO NO YOU DON'T KNOW!!!"
The Fairy (Flutter!!!Flutter!!!): "Very well then. I will be quick. Temper tantrums unnecessary. I-"
Me: "TEMPER TANTRUMS!!! STOP FLUTTER FLUTTERING BUGGERY GLITTERY TRESPASSING CREATURE UNNECESSARY INTRUSION INJUSTICE!"
The Fairy (cease Fluttering!!!): " A very important message I have for you and then I go, just let me."
Me: (temper abated, slightish): "If I let you, will you do it fast? No pain? And, only if it is constructive and justifiable enough to excuse your unwelcome intrusion and incitement of my ill temper above all else."
The Fairy: "Yes and here the message: Your readers, prospective and current, need of you to reveal the meaning and purpose of the title of your web-blog. That is all."
Me: "AN EXPLANATION??!!!"
The Fairy: " Yes. As a writer, it is your responsibility to elaborate. An audience needs elaboration. Detail. Meaning. Something that connects something to something and makes sense out of all things: titles, themes, titles, what ever you write. It is not fair. Not everyone is psychic."
Me: " No such thing as psychics. And, as far as explaining does that no-"
The Fairy:"Have you taken your valium?"
Me: "Does that not defeat the purpose. Like, my jokes. Sarcasm. Irony. I ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCKING EXPLAIN MY JOKES! WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT! OUTRAGEOUS! STUPID! DEFEATS PURPOSE!!!
The Fairy:"You have not taken your valium."
Me: "If I take, will you leave?"
The Fairy: "Of course...."
Me: "Bring me my bottle Fairy."
The Fairy, Flutter!!!Fluttering!!!
Me:"On the dresser fa-"
The Fairy:"Far left, yes."
Me (mumbling): "Know it all know it all know it all know it all know it all I hate........"
The Fairy brings bottle. I open it, spill five 5mgs in my hand, throw them into my mouth...........
Me: "WATER!!!! DUH!!! DUH!!! WATER!!!!"
The Fairy brings me a fresh, cool, purified glass of water.
TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER
Relaxed. Deeply. Comfortably. At this point.
Me:"Doctor please.......... some more of these...........
Outside....... the door...............she took four more............
What a drag it is getting old............."
The Fairy: "Now can we converse reasonably, pleasant tones?"
Me: "Men just.........same....... today.....I hear ev'ry............. mother..............
They............don't............. appreciate..........you get tired...... so hard to satisfy..................
tranquilize your mind....."
The Fairy, Flutter!!!Fluttering!!!
Me: "So go running for....shelter............mother's little helper.........four...five..twenty....help you through the night...........help............ minimize your plight..............
Doctor............ please..............some more of..............outside.took four more.......
What a drag...what a drag...what a drag........................."
The Fairy, Flutter!!!Fluttering!!!
Me:"Yeah...fuckin'...Life's just...... too hard today.........
I hear.... pursuit of........... happiness...... bore......take more......overdose........
No more running............."
The Fairy: "Focus?"
Me: "Your fault....Faarrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee.."
The Fairy: "Explain. And then I leave. That was the agreement. If you do not explain. I do not leave. Ever.
Me:"An explanation. The title of my blog. "LITTLEHOUSEONTHELANDFILL." Ladies and gentlemen. I am going to invent a page dedicated to the sole purpose of explaining, without spoiling what I will reveal as my story unfolds, the reason, the big mystery, the inspiration that led me to the title. I, loud and clear, with my right hand over my heart, solemnly swear that you, my audience, will be sated, all inquiries answered, as to why "LITTLEHOUSEONTHELANDFILL." "LITTLEHOUSEONTHELANDFILL" because, because, and after I am finis with this, let me call it, the introduction to the theme of my web-blog, all shall be revealed to you and, have patience, patience, you shall come to know that I have and will indeed stick to this theme, this theme that has raised expectations in such an audience, I know not of which or whom, but this fairy insists. At this point of expanding and diminishing my blog I have gone through it in my mind-many metamorphoses. I have made no secret out of my own question of direction this blog will take. I comprehend fully the reader's confusion as to what the title, the title promising, independent of my knowledge, elucidation and elaboration on the little house and the landfill. What about this little house and what about this landfill? Where? Who? Why? When? To these varieties of question I have this to say: My next page, I fulfilling my promise, will be on the title and theme "LITTLEHOUSEONTHELANDFILL." What inspired such a title? Check in the next few days and you will have your explanation and promise. There will be direction. Total focus. All for you. All my audience. All potential fans, non-fans, readers, etcetera. With love, the writer."
Me: "YES?!"
The Fairy: "Sufficient."
The Fairy, Flutter!!!Fluttering!!!
Exeunt Fairy.
I sigh. For my solitude returned. I think. For my title in need of introduction, explanation, focus, thematic fidelity.
Finis...
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